When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
