saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
