If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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