Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
