Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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