I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize