I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
