My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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