ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
