i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
