The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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