My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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