Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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