Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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