Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
that may or may not have been my penis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
