I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
