I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
