There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
