Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
