I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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