got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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