Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
