Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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