Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
