Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
