when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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