I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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