I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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