Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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