Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
