Jerry, you need to find god
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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