you guys were way drunker than both of me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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