He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
being pregnant is like rehab
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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