i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
