I'm drive I can fine osifer
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
