she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
