You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
