at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
