i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
