I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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