my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
