im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
