she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
