I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
