It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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