for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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