captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
