Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
