there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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