about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
