I think my fart just growled at me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
