I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
