Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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