Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
