So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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