Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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