This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
