I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
