she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
