Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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