I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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