I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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